Long time

Ok I haven't really got the time to blog. Just one quote before I leave:

"Be strong and depend on urself"

My feelings

1. I dun think I can ever tell anyone how I feel coz I will irritate or affect others.
2. I love and hate looking at blissful pictures.
3. I feel inadequate.
4. Tears love to stream down my face.
5. I need to appear strong.
6. I hate to say this but I feel unhappy.
7. I swollow my anger.
8. I can't allow myself to sound irritated.
9. I need to find happiness in a hard way.
10. I hope I can handle anything that comes my way.

Aft a long break...

Ok I know I haven't been blogging. Have been really busy and lazy. I guess I'll start again.

I was neva the practical person. I always deal with other pple's emotions first. I am always taking care of how others feel and I try my best not to say or do anything to make the person feel bad/angry/sad, etc. To me, as long as the person feels happy, I'm quite willing to do anything within my means. I'm usually easy-going coz I want others to be happy so I usually agree with everything as long as it seems fine with me. But I have problems keeping up with my easy-going personality when I'm to blame when something bad happens. I become quite defensive and argue my way thru. My tolerance level for agreeing drops drastically. I hate to admit that it is entirely my fault. Can something that goes wrong be entirely a person's fault. Do we look at situational factors that could have contributed to the mistake made? Well I guess it lies on a continuum: to what extent it's caused by internal (personal) factors or external (situational) factors. I think most pple tend to attrbute their own mistakes to external factors, but others will attribute it to that person's internal factors.

Maybe I'm strong headed and always want to try to put my point across. But I've tone down lots of it. It also hit me hard when pple deal with the practical side of my mistake. Being an emotional person, I feel neglected in my emotional needs. I will end up feeling very bad and guilty abt what I've done. I realised that this is my weakness, I really need to be strong emotionally so as to deal with the situation practically. But yet retaining the emotional sensitivity towards other pple.

I dun have control over how others treat me and I dun have the right to tell others what to do. The only thing within my control is my character and how I treat others. So I have to perfect it and I can proudly say that I've done it right.

thoughts...

I was browsing thru my colleague's wedding photos... Seriously speaking, sometimes I feel like getting married... Haha... Coz the couples in the photos look so happy and blissful together. But I know that is just in pictures and in reality, this is not so true all the time. Haiz, but this is just a thought la... Getting married is definitely not easy... You need to think abt expenses, plan for the future and of coz whether you are very sure you want to settle down with the person.

But I guess it's still too early for me to think abt it. Haha... As for now... I'll continue to admire other pple's wedding photos... =)

damn tired...

I know I haven't been blogging. I'm really tired nowadays. Don't know what to blog as well. All I can say is that I miss my sch life as a student. School life as a teacher is sucky. See now I don't know what to write liao coz I seriously can't think. Think I'm going home to sleep... Yawnz...

something's bothering me...

sigh... there seems to be something tat is bothering me but i can't really explain wat it is... sometimes i feel i'm getting bored with my life... everyday the same old thing: go sch, teach, scold kids, get angry, feel bochap, mark books, prepare lesson, wkend, then repeat everything again...

tat is y i cherish every outing i have with my friends as it is something different, something out of my routine life... sometimes i really want to plan something special for him but it's hard to carry out as he is really busy...

so i feel really disappointed when activities tat r planned got to be cancelled due to unforseen circumstances... coz i hold on to them dearly as i really look forward to them, especially if it's with him... i think i really cherish him alot... times spent with him r precious n i have to admit tat everything he says affect me as they carry heavy weight...

i try my best to accomodate to his busy schedule coz i dun want him to feel stress out to find time to accompany me... i jus want him to be happy... he means tat much to me...

ok, i think the choya is making me tired... another sat has passed... i dun feel gd at all... time out...

feeling uneasy...

i'm feeling really really terrible... i'm really stressed from work n i have my driving test tmr... i've neva been so afraid for any test b4 for the past 23 yrs of my life... i really dunnoe wat to do to ease my stress now... i'm feeling so moody... =(((